


Oddities

by bonesmctightass



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angry Bones, Fluff, Humor, Jim is a Little Shit, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pregnancy Scares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 17:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8111020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonesmctightass/pseuds/bonesmctightass
Summary: Jim decides to play an innocent prank on McCoy.





	

From the moment McCoy had woken up that morning he’d gotten a gut feeling that the day was going to be strange. And not just the Enterprise’s brand of strange, if the behavior of the passing officers was anything to go off of.

As he made his way down to medical bay every person he happened upon looked at him with a bizarre glint to their eyes and poorly stifled laughter. “What the devil are you lookin’ at?” He spat, bristling with the creeping suspicion that they were snickering _at_ him instead of with him. Self-consciousness hung over him like a dark cloud.

McCoy hastily reached his destination and checked his appearance in the mirror. The beginnings of a beard had shown on his face, but otherwise nothing was out of the ordinary. He glared at his reflection and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. He couldn’t fathom what was wrong with everyone. He was downright handsome, damn it. 

Mercifully, the morning progressed rather routinely. McCoy had his daily dose of paperwork, a trickling of patients here and there, and the occasional visit to the labs. He’d almost forgotten about the oddness of earlier.    

Until the landing party beamed up from their latest mission.

The intercom on the wall beside his desk chirped, signaling an incoming transmission.

“Bones, something happened to Spock down there. He kind of… Well, he’s… There was an _incident_. It’s rather difficult to explain and frankly it’s better if I don’t try. I’m sending him straight to sickbay so you can see for yourself. Kirk out.”

With a resigned sigh, McCoy leaned back in his chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose. An incident. Of course there was. If it wasn’t Jim getting himself into trouble, it was Spock. Apparently they took turns maiming themselves just to keep McCoy on his toes. _Perfect_.

The ever prompt first officer graced the doctor with his presence shortly after the call. “Alright, Spock. Get up on the bed so I can see what kind of shenanigans you’ve gotten yourself into this time.”

Spock removed his tunic and undershirt before easing himself up onto the bed and reclining stiffly. “If I may clarify, doctor, my current predicament was no fault of mine.”

“Sure it wasn’t.” McCoy agreed flatly, checking the readings on the computer. The outputs were incredibly anomalous, even for a Vulcan hybrid. “Jesus, Spock. Your hormone levels are through the roof. What in blazes happened down there?” He continued to stare incredulously at the machine as if it were in error. “Wait, you’re not going into pon farr again are you?” McCoy narrowed his eyes accusingly.

He had missed the ephemeral quirk of Spock’s lips in the confusion.

“I assure you, I am not entering my time. However, I had a quarrel of a… stimulating nature.”

“You had a quarrel.” McCoy repeated dubiously.

Spock shifted atop the bed in what could only be described as discomfort. Spock was _nervous_ , McCoy realized with astonishment.  

“Perhaps it will be better if I simply explain to you what my ailment is. You will find that your databases have virtually no information on my current status.”

McCoy cocked his head to the side and scrutinized the strange readings one last time. “Okay, then. Get on with it.”

Taking a deep steadying breath, Spock pushed himself up into a sitting position and folded his hands neatly in his lap. He steeled himself and fixed McCoy with a grave stare.

“I am pregnant.”

McCoy spluttered in shock and collapsed his full weight against the side of the biobed. All of the color drained out of his face and he nearly slid to the floor in a crumpled heap. “You’re _what_? How did this—Vulcan _males_ can— Holy shit on a shingle. _Pregnant_? Sweet mother of Moses, Spock.” His mind reeled. How in the _hell_ were they going to take care of a child on a tin can floating in the middle of space? Raising a child. In space. _Space_. His heart rate picked up and he realized with horrified fascination that he might in fact be having a heart attack.

In that moment, Jim fell through the open bulkhead and rolled around on the floor, laughing uproariously and clutching his sides. McCoy startled and jerked to face the door, noticing the rest of the bridge crew was crowded around it. How long had they been standing there? More important, what was so _fucking_ funny?

“Oh my god,” Jim cackled as tears formed in his eyes. “You should have seen your face. Bones, it was _priceless_. Did somebody get a picture of that? I really hope somebody got a picture of that.”

McCoy gaped at the onlookers, then back to Spock. “Are you telling me this whole thing was a fucking joke and the whole ship was in on it?”  

Spock simply held up his hands defensively, his eyes brimming with unbridled amusement and sympathy. “I had _tried_ to tell the captain that this sort of jest was in poor taste. Alas, he can be quite persuasive, as you are well aware.”

Of course. Nobody else could have come up with such an elaborate and convoluted lark. McCoy glowered threateningly at Jim who was slowly realizing the severity of the situation. Ending up in the doctor’s territory, which was equipped with a ridiculous number of hypos, was a _severe_ oversite on Jim’s part. The doctor stalked towards his esteemed captain with mounting anger, rolling up his sleeves as he drew nearer.  

“Bones. Don’t do anything rash, now. It was just a bit of fun, that’s all! Just a prank, a harmless prank! Bones. Bones, please. Don’t—"

* * *

“I trust you are satisfied with the results of your ‘prank’, captain.” Spock was glancing at him from his post, the barest hints of a smirk ghosting over his face.

Jim sat in his chair with a smug smile and a bag of ice held to the impressive black eye mottling his face.  
    
“Totally worth it, Mister Spock. Totally worth it.”


End file.
